The journal entry below came about a year before my one-year sabbatical in 2000-2001. I was reflecting on the meaning of “waiting” in my spiritual life. What about some of the “waiting rooms” of your own life—unresolved struggles, unfulfilled longings, unrealized dreams? When God is all you have, you realize God is all you need.
“[Quoting Evelyn Underhill] There should always be more waiting than striving in a Christian’s prayer.” (Sue Monk Kidd. When the Heart Waits. San Francisco: HarperCollins Publishers, 1990, p. 123)
Is there still more striving in my prayer than there should be, Father? I still find myself in places where I am very resistant to wait on Your initiative and action. My patience is still not very deep or “long-fused”. Please continue to teach me to wait on You in all that that means. And I’m learning the risks of asking You to train me in patience!
“[Meister Eckhart] Nothing in all creation is so like God as stillness.” (Kidd, p. 123)
This is good to know, but in my world there seem to be so few moments of stillness. Late at night when everyone else is asleep might be one of those times. Early morning is another. May there grow a stillness in my innermost being that moves from there outward into even the noisiest and busiest places I experience.
Lamentations 3:24-27
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”
25 The LORD is good
to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
27 It is good for a man to bear
the yoke while he is young.
I remember again in Your presence, Lord, that You are my portion. I will wait for You because You alone can satisfy me. I’m sometimes weary in waiting on You, Father. Strengthen my weak and wandering heart so that I might wait more faithfully before You. You are my only hope. Apart from You I feel deeply hopeless. I want to wait quietly…not with complaints, gripes or other ungodly noises.
Psalm 73:25-28 (NIV)
“Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
27 Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
28 But as for me,
it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD
my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds.
I truly have no one in heaven—in the kingdom I long for—but You. There isn’t anything here on earth that I want—that will satisfy and fulfill me—besides You. My flesh and my heart have failed often, but You are the strength of My heart and my portion forever. When it comes to my situation, what is good is to be near You. You are my refuge. I want everyone to know what You’ve done for me.
