I’ve taken the title of this blogpost from a book by the same name written by Thomas H. Green. It is well worth the read.
On this theme, Laura Swan describes an experience that many of us who have been Christians very long can recognize:
“Often the early years of our spiritual journey are filled with wonderful experiences of God. Great strides are made in prayer and personal transformation, the very near presence of God seems to be with us daily, and the miraculous is seen. Then the journey seems to get harder. Growth and transformation come to frustrating dead ends; prayer seems dry and pointless. Friends, at best, fail to understand us and too often abandon us—family can too. Sometimes it seems that God has abandoned us.” (Laura Swan. The Forgotten Desert Mothers. New York: Paulist Press, 2001, p. 50.)
God blessed my earliest years of Christian life with an emotionally rich, encouraging, affirming sense of His presence. I remember wondering why every Christian didn’t feel God’s presence like I did. I was tempted to compare myself with them and find myself a few notches up the spirituality ladder. It was typical spiritual immaturity.
With this in mind, why in the world would we take new Christians with some special gift or experience of God and move them so quickly into positions of influence? We assume that dramatic experiences with God are marks of maturity. Might they actually be marks of spiritual youth? Are we trying to vicariously extend our own dramatic experience of God? Why not, instead, focus our attention on God Himself, felt or unfelt, and celebrate the gifts of young faith without envying or coveting?
What Swan is saying here speaks to the very place I find myself in this season. I miss emotionally charged experiences of God. I miss the ease of prayer when God’s presence feels very near every day. I miss witnessing the obviously miraculous acts of God. My journey has become harder. I often feel at dead ends…or at least dry ones. I don’t “get as much” out of praying as I once did.
Father, I offer this simple journal entry to You as prayer. Perhaps I have been trying to pray as I can’t anymore. Perhaps I’m using methods that aren’t as fitting as they were in earlier places of my journey. I tend to remain stuck in old methods for fear of the unknown of a more receptive approach to prayer.
But it is the contemplative that I believe is most fitting for me now. I need to be careful that I don’t find myself seeking a new place of felt presence by changing my methods. I recognize, from my reading and experience, that contemplative prayer tends to be very simple and not very dramatic. Lately, sitting in silence is mostly trying to be present and still before God in the midst of the onslaught of distracting thoughts, emotions and even physical sensations. This is what I need though. This is the invitation I sense from God.
Your words strike a chord within my own soul. I too am finding that simply being still before the Lord helps calm my restless longing for “better days” where experiences seemed more common and easily attained. At this point in my life, I crave a deeper life with my Lord, although I admit I’m not even sure what that means at times. Thank God for Jesus and His asurances. Feelings are “on vacation” and I am tired of more head knowledge that seems to impress others in Sunday school but leaves little lasting impact on my heart. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. I am encouraged that God seems to be moving in a similar manner on the hearts of others and I remain hopeful that He will see me through this valley of discovery.