An edited journal excerpt from May 1991
“Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever
(Psalm 73:25-26).”
I find a lot of heart echoes in this psalm as I read it. It captures a lot of what has been happening in me.
Verse 2-12 describes a deep jealousy that Asaph was experiencing over the apparent prosperity of the without-God people around him. It looks to him like many of them have it easier and are doing better than the with-God people.
In verse 13-16, Asaph expresses his frustration, feeling like he has been wasting his time being faithful to God in his way of life. Trying to living in harmony with God’s will has left him where his life feels plagued. He feels punished for doing right. Why stay in relationship with God if this is the outcome? Thankfully, he realizes that he would betray his with-God community if he took action on these frustrated feelings. (vs. 15).
Asaph was overwhelmed by the hardness of his with-God life in the face of the apparent trouble-free ease of those who sniffed their nose at God. How will he gain some perspective? Where will he find wisdom? How will he make his way through such a place? When life doesn’t seem fair, when God’s good people suffer and wicked people seem to succeed, the only place to find perspective is in the presence of God (17). In God’s presence, I see with eternal eyes. I see those living in disregard of God in His presence as well, but not standing in His favor.
Like Asaph, I will feel grieved at heart and embittered in spirit (21) in the face of such temporary unfairness. I may respond to such hardship like a brute beast, ignorant and senseless (22).
I’m invited to remember the presence of God. I’m show that I am always with God and God is always with me. I am faithfully held on to in God’s gracious favor (23) and guided by perfect and wise direction (24a). My end, unlike the desperate end of the without-God one, is in the presence of God’s glory (24b).
Rather than letting my grief embitter me as I seek to remain in God in the hard places, I can recognize the lasting reality that only God can truly, deeply satisfy me to the depths of my being (25). The ways the world around me tries to satisfy the soul aren’t enough for me. This is a reality I must face and a choice I must make. My heart and my body may be weak, but God is my strength in all of this (26a). He is my portion—all that I need (26b). What is truly best for me is the simple nearness of God. (28). God is my refuge.
When I find myself in dry places, I often feel tempted to envy the what I see as a life of ease for others around me. God, help me remember that the dryness is helping me remember that nothing in creation is big enough to satisfy my soul. Being near You is my only source of true satisfaction.
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